A 6 Year Battle with a 10 Year Secret
by fitzdillore22
Summary: Dan cheats on his fiancée with Phil Dan and Jennifer separate. Jennifer keeps a secret from Dan and a silence falls over them for ten years... Megan meets her radio role models Dan and Phil. Phil recognizes someone he knows very well in Megan and breaks the silence between the two distance exes. But Jennifer has been hiding a different secret, a battle even, from her dearest friend
1. Chapter 1

"Yes, yes, a million times, yes!" Jennifer squealed when Dan had purposed three months eariler. Now, he couldn't even look her in the eye. What happened to them?

"I'm sorry." Dan mumbled finally after an eternity of unbareable, akward slience. Jennifer suddenly rose and slapped Dan in the face.

"The fuck Dan?" She screamed at him, tears welling in her own eyes as Dan's face reddened. "You couldn't have decided to become gay and cheat on me _before_ you decided to get engaged to me?" She cried hestraically. "Why Phil? Why the office slut?" She moaned which got Dan to shoot up from his denfensive position.

"He is not, he is _my_ co-host and I love him!" Dan cried then clamped his mouth shut with a too late hand.

"I thought you loved _me._" She whispered as she fell to the couch feeling faint.

"I do love you." Dan corrected her, trying to hug her but she pushed him away.

"You did at one point." She walked out of their lounge and slammed their bedroom door with a bang.

She looked at the bed in a dismisive hate and anger. Love is such bullshit. She thought in bitter disappointment as she grabbed a bag to pack the essencaillies in as Dan rapped on the door, begging her to come out so he could explain himself.

But the door remained shut, like so many after hearts and promises were broken.

TWO MONTHS LATER...

"That's the last of it." Dan noted adding the final box onto the moving van. Jennifer nodded and looked up at the now empty flat with a bitter satisfaction. _Good, now neither of us will have to be haunted by the memories here._ She thought as Dan looked it by her side.

"Dan?" She asked, starting a conversation she had been dreading.

"Yeah Jennifer, what is it?" He was much more attentive now than before, making sure he didn't hurt her further. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly fighting back tears. She didn't want to tell him; it would destroy him. "I..." She hadn't had a period in three months. "I..." The doctor had congratulated her, saying she would make a wonderful mother.

"It's okay Jennifer," Dan bent to met her eyes "You can tell me anything." She knew in that moment, she couldn't. She couldn't ruin his future with Phil as this baby would undoubtably ruin hers. She looked up into the chocolate brown eyes she had fallen in love with and lied.

"I'm moving back to America." She blurted but to Dan, it rang with crushing truth.

"What?" He asked, taking a step back, not ready for this news.

"I can't bare to stay in Britian any longer," She looked down with tears escaping her clenched face. "Everything I see reminds me of you." This wasn't a lie but she kept going. "I see you everywhere and I can't do this anymore! Don't bother trying to find me, cause you won't." She gasped in a shakey breathe as Dan's eyes moisten.

"Jennifer, please don't do this..." Dan began trying to touch her again but she slapped his hand away.

"I hate you, Daniel and I never want to see you again!" She spat, running to the driver's seat and burning rubber as she went; Dan had no idea that the opposite of her harsh words was true. She didn't hate him, she still loved him. She never wanted to see him again, she wanted to see he everyday for the rest of her life. But she wouldn't get her happily ever after. She would receive a Romeo and Juilet ending to a McBeth tale of woe.

But no one could have guessed this as the van ran away, Dan was left in front of the abandoned flat and Phil was far away, unaware of everything horrible going on at that moment.

NINE MONTHS LATER...

"Come on Jennifer, just one more push!" The doctor urged her as she fell back to the bed with beads of sweat pouring down her face and neck.

"I can't." She moaned, "Just cut it out of me! I want to go home." She lamented as a half-born baby was pushing out of her like a ship peirced by an undetinanted torpedo.

"Jennifer, I promise you if you just give me one more big push, you can relax." The doctor rubbed her bent knee in a soothing way to urge her to keep going. She looked at him in tired despreation.

"One more, then I'm done." She annouced as she sat up again.

"Good girl," The doctor patted her knee and got ready to catch the baby. "Ready? One, two, PUSH!" He yelled like a coach shooting off a gun at a race track.

"MmmmAAAAHHHHHHHH!" She wailed as she gave one more temenous, life giving push. A calm fell over the team in the hospitel room as there was a small squealish sound then...

"WAHH WAHH WAHHHH!" The little human cried out in the doctor's arms.

"It's a girl!" He informed the team who all appluaded the mother and the baby as both were cleaned up and allowed to rest.

"What will you name her?" A nurse asked later as Jennifer nursed her for the first time. She clenched her teeth at the weird sensation of her nipple being sucked and milk coming out in a ceaseless flow.

"I haven't desided yet." Jennifer noted as she detached her suckling baby from herself to burp her.

"Do you have any ideas?" The nurse kept porading for an answer but names were the last thing on Jennifer's mind.

"I'd like to be alone with my child right now." Jennifer said coldly, which got the nosey nurse to leave. Jennifer heard a tiny belch and placed her little human in front of her. The little girl was in a yellow onesie, not the pink one that the nurses had orginally wanted to put her in. Jennifer didn't believe in color sterotypes; blue for boys and pink for girls.

She looked into the tiny, fluttering blue eyes as they fought to stay awake. "You're so tiny!" Jennifer noted in disbelief. "Yout're never going to go up to be a Mommy; it's just not possible." Then the little girl yawned widely with her impossibly tiny mouth which got Jennifer to yawn. "I don't want to sleep until I have the right name picked out for you, my little girl." _My little girl, Megan._ Jennifer's thought process clicked into this link in quick, snapped procession. "Megan?" She questioned, seeing how it feel on her tongue. The little baby stirred and looked into her mother's eyes as if to say 'Yes?'

"My little Megan?" Jennifer called to the girl in her arms which earned her an approving coo. "You're my little Megan, yes you are, yes you are!" Jennifer giggled as Megan brust into a baby sized fit of laughter until they both yawned and Jennifer called the nurse back to put Megan into the baby container which was clear on all sides and opened on top with a itty bitty bed inside.

"Megan." Jennifer noted as she settled into the starilized sheets.

"What was that?" The nurse asked covering the girl in the fitted bed, the perfect size for a peanut.

"Her name is Megan." Jennifer yawned before rolling over, instantly snoring loudly. The nurse turned back to the baby and picked up the clipborad at the end of the clear box bed. It held the information Megan would need for the rest of her life. The time she was born, her weight, length, eye and hair color, everything.

"Well Megan," The nurse whispered adding the name to the list. "Happy Father's Day, and what a father's day present you are!" She smiled down at the tiny, sleeping form before she left, leaving mother and infant to rest at long last.


	2. Chapter 2

"Megan, please hurry up now." Mrs. Jones requested as Megan lagged behind to watch a squrriel make it's way up a tree.

"Sorry, coming!" Megan called as she raced up to the small group of other ten year olds who were her classmates; at least, judging by the matching uniforms.

"Like I was saying, we are going to be touring the BBC Raido One building today." The teacher grinned exciting the children furthur. "But we won't have just any random tour guides today; today we get a couple of Djs from the worldwide broadcasted Dan and Phil Live Radio Show: Dan and Phil themselves! So we all have to be one our best behavoir." The teacher reminded them loudly as they all began chattering at once.

"Dan and Phil? Is that even possible?" One boy whispered to another.

"OMG, Dan and Phil! I can't believe it!" A girl in ponytails sqeauled to her friend. All of the children talked away while Megan stood in the cool air, beaming to herself. Unlike the classmates who were surrounding her; Dan and Phil had had a profound effect on her life in particular. She had watched their live shows, Youtube videos, and YouNow accounts religously for most of her life.

Ever since she had seen her mother watching one episode sadly one Sunday afternoon. Megan remembered it vividly because her mother had tears rolling down her cheeks in a constant stream. She had never seen her mother cry before or since. When Megan asked her mother what she was watching, her mother replied 'A couple of old friends.' But when Megan had grown to love Dan and Phil later, her mother refused to discuss them any further than the common knowledge found on the interenet; as if they were no longer an important or relitve part of their lives.

Megan had found the raido shows the most fun and entrancing. She desided a long time ago to become a DJ herself, like her heroes. But she didn't like them like the girls in her class liked them. The girls in her class would ask each other who they thought kissed the best or would be a better boyfriend and things of that nature while Megan wanted to discuss how amazing it was to her how two people could meet on the interenet and become best friends in such a short amount of time or how they lived their lives. But, since these young fans all thought she was crazy anyways, she kept her mouth shut about the whole thing and few even know that she even enjoyed watching Dan and Phil.

"Come on Megan, don't fall behind." The teacher reminded her as the group headed towards the doors of the building she had been dying to see the inside of for the past six years.

"Sorry, I got a little lost in the moment." Megan mumbled to her teacher as the group approached the impressive edifice of Raido heard around the world. They entered the lobby and looked around in awe. Those who brought in cameras were too taken away, they completely forgot them either in their pockets or hanging out in their hands.

"Dan, I'm so nervous." Phil whispered looking down at the class below from a room that looked down at the lobby with the use of a glass wall. Phil hadn't changed much in ten years besides his facial hair which was in the shape of a beard with a matching sideburns. "What if they don't like me?"

"Phil, they'll love you, you're great with kids." Dan reminded his husband, squeezing his hand softly as he looked at Phil with loving eyes. Dan looked almost the same as well, besides the snake bites, a small lion tattoo (which was covered by his long sleeves) and the beginnings of a moustache. "Well, we can't have them waiting forever, can we?" Dan kissed Phil's cheek and lead him towards the elevator.

"I'm not sure I can do this." Phil admitted staying in the same place, looking at the children as if their unseen gaurdian.

"I know it's hard right now." Dan sympathized, rubbing his thumb over Phil's wedding ring. "But they already paid for this tour to be done by us, okay?" Dan hated to force Phil into doing something he didn't want to do, but he didn't want to disappoint the kids more.

"Okay." Phil nodded and headed for the elevator as well. They stood there in the steel quite space, never saying anything but never letting go of their enterlocked fingers until the elevator came to a complete stop and the doors opened to reveal the amazed faces of the children.

"Hey kids!" Dan greeted smiling while Phil beamed beside him as the children went wild.

"Hi Dan, hi Phil!" They greeted back with an unmatchable enthuisasuim. As Dan began talking in a scripted monotone, Phil caught the eyes of a little girl who shocked him to his very core. Megan continued to stare into Phil's blue eyes, unsure and scared, if she was the object of his intense stare and, if so, why?

"So let's get this show on the road!" Dan called them both out of their revery.

"And this is where me and Phil do our international radio show." Dan thrusted his arm around the room like Vanna White. The children 'oh'ed, 'aw'ed, and 'wow'ed as their eyes roamed over the familiar behind the senses.

"Mrs. Jones," Megan whispered to her teacher confindingly, "I have to go to the bathroom." Mrs. Jones dismissed her, pointed down the hall and told her to follow the directions then to report back A.S.A.P. "Yes Mr. Jones." Was Megan's reply before she hurried off for the toilets.

She found them with little fuss but there was an odd thing waiting for her in one of the stalls: a crying Phil was leaning against the stall for support. They both looked at each other in shock and embrassment for a three second eternity.

"Sorry, wrong room." She managed before letting the door close again.

"Wait, you're not in the wrong restroom." Phil told her, wiping his eyes on a piece of toliet paper before flushing it. "I just come in here because no one comes in here normally. Women find it too far to walk to and men, well, are men." Phil explained ending with a humorless laugh then washed his hands.

"Why were you crying?" Megan asked without thinking. "I mean, if you feel like telling a little nobody like me..." She added hastily.

"You're not a nobody." Phil automatically replied due to his sweet nature.

"But I am little." Megan huffed sadly.

"You just haven't grown into yourself yet." Phil noted helpfully. "I mean, I was as tall as you at one point. Sure, it was only a few seconds, but..." Megan laughed at this which got Phil to smile and relax a little. "You asked why I was crying," Phil remembered which got Megan to nod expectantly, "I am sad because," Phil began then inhaled sharply again before revealing the hard facts. "Dan and I were denied approval to adopt in the U.K." He squeaked out before squeezing his eyes shut due to tears of anger and frustration threating to leak out.

"Mr. Lester," Megan began

"It's Phil." Phil interuptted her. Megan controlled herself from going into full on fangirl to help comfort Phil more effectively.

"Phil, I'm so sorry to hear that, but do you really need kids to make you truly happy? Aren't you grateful with what you have, with Dan and your job and your YouTube channels?" Megan reminded him softly. Phil then realized how redicuolus he was being and grew red from embrassment.

"You're right, I suppose." He looked down to consider the wise ten year old better. "You're very smart for you're age, Miss?"

"Megan, and thank you." She grinned up at one of her tall idols.

"Megan, nice name." Phil noted then he thought he saw a glimpse of someone in her dark brown eyes that he loved very much.

"Thanks, my mother tells me I picked out my own name, but I don't know how that's possible." Phil then sank down to her eye level to stare into her eyes more clearly. "Phil, what are you doing?" She asked nervously, she hated being stared at or having eye contact at all.

"What's your mother's name?" Phil asked quietly, urgently.

"Jennifer, she mentioned a long time ago that you guys were friends." Megan noted, recalling the memory clearly.

"Is her last name Calhoun by any chance?" Phil questioned his eyes growing wide.

"Yeah, I think so, at least that's one of my last names too." Megan mumbled.

"What's your other last name?" Phil wondered.

"Howell." Megan informed Phil. "Just like Dan's, but Mum told me it was just a coninsidence." Megan sadly commented but Phil didn't hear her; his mind was racing. Could this little, smart girl be Dan's as well as Jennifer's? No, it couldn't be. But then, why would Jennifer give her Dan's last name as well as her own?

"How old are you, Megan?" Phil guessed eleven or twelve at least, but he had never been good at guessing ages.

"I'm ten." Megan said proudly. "But I'll be eleven on Sunday."

"Father's day?" Phil asked, amused.

"Yeah, but I don't have a Daddy to celebrate it with." Megan clenched her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut as the tears of ten lonely father days rushed back to her in a sudden and hurtful brust.

"I'm sorry, that was stupid of me." Phil whispered enclosing his arms around Megan who cried into his shoulder.

"That's the only thing I ever want for my birthday." Megan confided to Phil. "I don't care about the dolls or toys or games or electronics, every birthday candle wish is for my Daddy to show up and hug me and tell me 'I'm home and I'll never leave you, my little girl'." Megan wailed with Phil frozen, shocked and touched by her confession.

"What if, I told you I might know who you're Daddy is?" Phil asked her. She pulled away to look at Phil with her red eyes, unsure if she had heard him correctly.

"You know my Daddy?" Megan gasped.

"I might." Phil grinned as Megan hugged him again.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mommy, I'm home!" Megan called to the nearly slient house. Jennifer was lying down on the sofa, listening to a podcast about parenting while a machine slowly pumped in oxygen into her lungs and a baggie with a warning of death labeled on it hung upside down, dripped into her arm at a calm pace. So, all in all, a normal day for Jennifer. But at the sound of Megan's voice, Jennifer crept into action; cutting off the speakers' voices midsentence, throwing a blanket over the oxygen machine and cutting off the kymo's drip before removing the needle from her arm with a slight grimance on her face.

"I'm in the living room, Darling." Jennifer called back a little horsely then gulped back some orange juice mixed with a powdery muscle growth substitue.

"I have so many things to tell you," Megan oozed from the kitchen, getting herself and her mother two peanut butter havles of sandwiches then folding them over to make little pockets made out of bread and the nutty sauce before taking them into the living room. "But first, someone super amazingly awesome gave me a note to give to you..." She said, withdrawing a piece of folded paper from her pocket. As Megan unfurlled it, Jennifer wondered who could have given her daughter a note. Then she remembered the field trip and what their destination was.

"Megan, was it perhaps, Dan Howell?" Jennifer gulped, holding her breathe, looking at her little plate which held her sandwich.

"Close, but no, it was Phil!" Megan squealed excitedly, nearly ripping the paper note in half. Jennifer felt her face grow even paler, if that was possible.

"Honey, please give me the note." Megan looked taken aback but did as she was told. Jennifer looked at the note very hard, trying to make sense out of its words but getting no where. She dreaded having Megan read this to her but alas, her eyes and brain could no longer make sense of words on paper. So, depressed, she handed back the note to Megan to read it for her. "Please read this to me." Jennifer requested, but also added in thought 'don't judge me either'. Megan put down her sandwich, which was now half gone and began reading to her mother.

"'Dear Jennifer, this is Phillip Lester and I wanted to talk to you about your brilliant daughter, Megan. Of whose aquiantance I met today.' Whoa, that's really nice." Megan pointed out as she continued reading with a tint to her cheeks. "'Megan reminds me a lot of my husband, Daniel; of whom I am aware of you two sharing a past.' Momma, what does that mean?" Megan asked, a little confused by what the words were insinuating.

"Never mind that no, Dear." Jennifer replied taking a small bite out of her sandwich, "Please read on." Megan did so.

"'I have reason to believe that Dan is related to Megan, due to the fact they have the same eyes and characteristics that I have yet found in anyone else. I have left my phone number below if you feel the desire to put my supisouns to rest. Jennifer, I know it ended badly between you and Dan, but if you are keeping something from your own daughter; don't you think she deseveres the right to know? I thought birthdays were ment to bring joy, not pain and heartbreak.'" Megan was quiete before going on. "'From your past and, hopefully, from your near future; Phillip Lester.' Momma, was does this mean?" Megan asked, slightly scared at who waited at the other end of the phone number below.

"Please put the number into the phone, Megan." Was all Jennifer had to say on the subject. Megan did as she was told and handed the phone to her mother. "Did you get your homework finished at school?" Jennifer asked before hitting the call button.

"It was a field trip day, no homework." Megan explained, her eyes following the phone's movement in her mother's nervous hands.

"Then please go upstairs and play." Jennifer ordered. Megan didn't like being ordered around to do things, but Jennifer was her mother and she had to obey her rules. When Megan had shut the door to her room, Jennifer hit send.

"Hello?" It wasn't Phil who answered the phone, it was Dan. Jennifer froze as did her heart. He still had that affect on her even after ten years slience between them. "Hello?" He asked again. The slience between them was deafening. "Well I'm going to hang up now..." Dan began, about to end the call.

"Wait!" She blurted, "H-Hey Dan..." She began unsure how to continue.

"Jennifer?" Dan asked shocked, now also uncertain how to go on.

"Yeah, it's me." She noted the obvious.

"Wait, this is a British phone number. Are you visiting Britain?" He asked all nervous and excited like a puppy. It broke her heart.

"Not excatly..." Jennifer started. "You see, I've been in Britain since..." She trailed off not quite sure how to put it.

"You left me." Dan said flatly.

"I'm sorry." Jennifer promised him.

"Are you, are you really? Cause it doesn't seem like it if I haven't seen you in ten years! How did you even get this number?" Dan flared up at her.

"Sorry if I've been taking care of our daughter for the past ten years alone and haven't found the time to call you!" Jennifer suddenly felt faint and partically fell to the couch from lack of air in her lungs.

"What?" Dan asked shocked.

"Never mind, forget this ever happened." Jennifer growled into the receiver before hanging up. She damn near fainted and slept until Megan woke her with the smell of dinner. Megan remained slient as she put a plate in front of her mother.

"What happened?" Jennifer finally asked, returning with a plate of spaggetti and sauce of her own as Jennifer sat up.

"It wasn't anything you need to concern yourself with."

"More gown up stuff?" Megan guessed, to which her mother nodded as she began to eat her own spaggetti. There had been so many 'grown up things' that Megan was not allowed to know about, that when Megan eventually did find out about them, she could write an enitre novel like the ones that weighed a lot her mother used to read. "I hate not knowing things." Megan grumbled to her noddles.

"You'll have your own grown up things soon enough, Darling." Her mother informed her, but Megan doubted it. She wanted to understand and be aware of everything going on around her, including her mother's illness.

Jennifer had told Megan nothing about her terminal cancer except that she was sick and had to take speical medicines and eat certain things. Megan was not allowed near any of her mother's machines and frankly, she was scared of them. Jennifer told Megan that the machines 'kept Mummy happy and alive' but Megan saw only the opposite affect; where it drained Jennifer's live and was slowly killing her, day by day.


	4. Chapter 4

"Fine then!" Dan yelled at the dead air after Jennifer hung up. Phil looked very concerned as Dan threw his phone onto the couch's cushions. Judging by what he had heard, it had not been a joyous reuion for the two exs. Dan stomped out onto the balchoney and shut the door behind himself. "Stupid Jennifer, not making any sense." He grumbled to himself, picking at his nails absentmindedly. "How did she even get my number?" Then he thought of the only person possible to could have given Jennifer his personal phone number.

"Don't be mad." Phil requested, locking Dan out on the balchoney as he spoke. "Let me explain." Dan was beyond angry in that moment, but let Phil explain himself. "I saw one of the children we were guiding today looked familiar and I wanted to know who she was. So, we talked and I found out she was Jennifer's daughter then I realized she had your eyes. Then she told me about her birthday and how she wanted a father for her father's day birthday for once in her life. She broke my heart Dan, sorry if you weren't too happy to hear from Jennifer." Dan looked shocked and guilty.

"I have a daughter, a ten year old daugher?" He asked unsure if he had heard right. "Wait, you talked to her? What's she like? Did she seem more like me than Jennifer? Did she ask about me? Does she look like me? I bet she had Jennifer's hair, that messy rat's nest she hated. Can you let me in? It's fucking freezing out here!" Dan's thought process went through his mouth like verbal diarrhea. Phil unlocked the door and let Dan in. They sat on the couch and Phil answered all of Dan's questions.

"I think," Phil said in conclusion "that we should go over and talk to them. I know the last thing you want to do is talk to Jennifer, but I also know the first thing you want to do is meet Megan and that can only happen if you see Jennifer." Phil rushed out so he wouldn't be interrupted.

"This is insane. I thought Jennifer left ten years ago when I left her." Dan whispered thinking but not believing it. "I have a daughter." Dan said out loud seeing how it sounded. "I am a father."

"Father Daniel." Phil smiled softly and sadly as he rose to his feet, covering his face with his hands.

"Shit, Phil." Dan whined as Phil's hands failed to catch the tears escaping his hands.

"No, I'm happy for you, really I am." Phil choked out. Dan realized in a mere few words, he had what Phil had always wanted: being a father, having children of his own while still being with the one he loved.

"If I am going to become a part of her life," Dan grabbed Phil's hands and pressed his forehead against Phil's "I need you there by my side, okay? I am not leaving you in the dark on this one and as if I would anyways!" Dan kissed Phil's nose and Phil smiled before kissing him back.

"Fuck," Phil whispered at his sudden realization: "I'm a step-dad."


	5. Chapter 5

"Mum, I'm home!" Megan called as she shut the door behind herself.

Jennifer was in the living room with her machine pumping. She knew how Megan was scared of the thing, so she threw the duvet that she had been using to cover herself over the machine and waited for Megan to come in. She discretely covered her exposed vein that had a needle sticking out of it with the magazine she had been looking at.

"Welcome home, sweetie." She called in return. "How was the field trip?" Megan was making her and her mother a little snack she had learn from the television as she spoke.

"It was amazing, Mum. We saw where the DJs play tunes, I got to meet Dan and Phil and I got to even touch the buttons!" After a pause in her peanut butter smearing process, Megan sighed "I wish you could have been there." Jennifer hear this and looked down at her arm in anger and frustration but kept the needle hidden when Megan walked in with a small plate of peanut butter covered celery stalks with raisins on top of half. Megan offered one raisin covered one to Jennifer, but Jennifer declined.

"I'm hooked up Megan." Jennifer explained softly. It was a now understood, unsaid rule in the house. If Mum was hooked up to her machine, she couldn't eat. Megan shot a glance at the low rumbling, duvet covered machine with great dislike.

"So you met Dan and Phil, how were they?" Jennifer asked, changing the subject and getting Megan's attention back on something she loved. Megan's eyes lifted to her mother's and lit up. She placed her treat back on the plate to use her hands as she told her mother all about how much taller they were in real life and how cool they actually were; then Megan remembered.

"Oh yeah, Phil asked me to give you something." She turned and rummaged in her backpack until she took out a note that had Jennifer's name on top. Jennifer looked warily at the paper.

"Megan, do you mind?" Jennifer asked, nodding to the note. Even though Jennifer was having a good day, she still had trouble reading things. She mostly looked at magazines for their pictures nowadays. Megan looked sad and scared at the request, but nodded and unfurled the neatly folded paper.

"'Dear Jennifer, I know it's been years since we've seen each other and we didn't leave on the best of terms, but here me out! Megan told me that her birthday is this weekend and since it is Father's Day, I figured it's time for father and daughter to meet, face-to-face.' What?" Megan whispered in shock. Jennifer felt her heart grow heavy as she grew frustrated at herself for not being able to read the note herself and having to depend on Megan for help. Megan went on still not understanding the words completely but too entranced to stop. "'Jennifer, please say you will let Dan see his daughter on Father's Day and for Megan to meet her father on her birthday. I will tell Dan and will call before we come over. My best regards, Phil Lester. P.S. I'm sorry for any heartache I have caused and I can't wait to see you again. P.P.S. You did a good job with her; she is a great little girl and you should be proud.'" There was a long unspoken silence between the mother and daughter.

"Honey, I-" Jennifer began but Megan interrupted.

"You said he was a bad man." Megan mumbled.

"What?" Jennifer asked. Megan looked at her again, now with tries in her eyes.

"You said Daddy was a bad man." Megan choked out.

"No, I said he wasn't good enough to know you." Jennifer corrected.

"And that makes it sound better?" Megan snapped back.

"Megan, I did what was best for you." Jennifer went to get up, but her needle stopped her from coming towards Megan.

"Best for me? Or was it because you didn't want to see Dan anymore after he married Phil?" Megan shouted, tears streaming down her red cheeks. Jennifer froze at Megan's words.

"So, Dan got married after all." She sank back in her seat and let her head fall back into the cushion. "I can't believe Phil got him to settle and I didn't." Tears rolled down the corners of her eyes and sank into her hair. Megan ran to her room.

"I HATE YOU!" Megan screamed as she slammed her door shut, causing a picture that had been taped to the wood of the door to fall off. The picture was a crayon drawing Megan had done awhile back with two figures; one tall, one short, both wearing dresses, both were blonde and holding hands. The caption read 'Mummy and me; Just the two of us' only the 'two' was the grammatically wrong 'too' and 'just' was spelled with a 'G'. Jennifer had called it perfection and Megan had believed her. Megan had hugged Jennifer and thought life couldn't get better than that moment. But, all the while, Jennifer was grimacing in pain for the poison that was in her was particularly bad that day.


	6. Chapter 6

The phone rang twice before Dan picked it up.

"Hello?" He asked upon answering.

"Dan?" Jennifer asked to make sure, but her heartache told her it was him.

"Jennifer? I can't believe you called! Sorry." Dan blurted before he thought clearly.

"No worries, I honestly can't believe it either." Jennifer confessed sincerely.

"How have you been? You sound tired." Dan noted with a hint of concern. "Are you alright?" Jennifer kept her voice level even though tears began to fall to hear Dan still watching over her, even after all this time.

"I've been better, but this isn't about me; this is about Megan." Jennifer stated then rubbed her eyes with the corners of a tissue which was wrapped around her finger; as one was always there out of habit. "Her birthday is on Saturday and it's also Father's Day, if you want to see her; you have to come here."

"Fine." Dan agreed, getting down to business. "Where are you nowadays?"

"Nottingham." Jennifer answered plainly.

"Nottingham? That's ages away! Why are you all the way out there?" Dan flustered.

"To get away from the city and… And other things." The dark tone in her voice suggested who she was thinking about staying away from for ten years, until now that is. Dan nodded realizing who and why she had ran away from.

"Okay, fine Saturday it is. See you then, Jennifer." Dan stated coldly.

"Until Saturday." Jennifer promised then hung up. Dan's throat tightened at hearing her voice say her saying. Before they were engaged and in the process of getting to know each other, she would always say "Until Tuesday." Or whatever day that the date was planned. It brought years of memories flooding back to Dan in ways he hadn't expected. He felt happy that Jennifer was in Britain but angry she had lied to him. Phil's hand on his arm and was called back to reality. He looked into the worried blue eyes then smiled to tell him it would be alright and patted his hand with the one on his arm.

"So, you're going to meet your daughter on her birthday." Phil noted softly as if to sum it up which only shot Dan further into the reality he dreaded.

"Yep." Dan agreed with the statement, not embracing nor denying it.

"How do you feel?" Phil asked, rubbing his shoulder in soothing motions.

"Scared, terrified, shocked, what the fuck seems to sum it up nicely." Dan started rambling beginning to panic.

"Calm down, Dan." Phil requested.

"Calm down? I just found out I have a ten-year-old daughter and you want me to calm down! How can I just calm down like flipping a switch? I am in charge of someone's life now, Phil! How would you feel if a girl you used to date before you were gay called up and told you that you had a son or daughter? Would you be calm?" Dan shouted before shooting up from his seat and pacing. "What if I'm not good enough? What if I scar her beyond repair? What if I completely fuck it up like other fathers who aren't married and find out that they themselves are fathers? Oh shit, I'm a father." Dan sunk down to the carpet and was about to lay face down to begin his nearly comatose state whilst having an extensional crisis. But Phil sank next to him and raised Dan's face to his own.

"There's a difference between those men and you, Dan. You are going to be a part of her life, ten years late sure, but you're here nonetheless and you know what? That's all that matters to her. She finally has a dad that she already adores and looks up to. You mean the world to her already, Dan. Or should I call you Dad?" Phil kissed Dan's nose to which Dan smiled and kissed him back.

"I guess you're right. But I still need to think it over, okay?" Dan asked, retreating to the carpet.

"Fine." Phil sighed as Dan laid down completely. "I'm making supper, what do you want?" Phil asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Curry!" Dan cried out, though slightly muffled.


	7. Chapter 7

Jennifer was holding a magazine but she was not reading it. She was staring at the words thinking about the meeting she was about to have with a man she used to know better than a best friend.

Dan was coming here with Phil after all these years. Could she trust him again? She guessed she didn't really have much of a choice in the matter. That's when the doorbell rang.

Jennifer mustered her strength, covered up the machine and any evidence of her disease then called "The door is open!"

Dan and Phil cautiously wandered in and scanned their new surroundings with curiosity and, a little, dread.

"Jennifer?" Dan called. He sounded the same, but did he look the same?

"In here." She replied. She pushed herself up at the last second to make it look like she was about to sit down. "Hello." She noted slightly coolly as Dan and Phil entered the room.

"Hi." They echoed to her. Phil shook her hand while she and Dan exchanged nods.

"Please sit." She motioned to the chairs set for guests that were covered in dust.

"Thank you." Phil smiled as they both sat. They all coughed as the dust sprang into the air and their lungs. Jennifer took the longest to recover then they were all quiet. There was a long silence.

"You look well, Daniel." Jennifer noted glancing at Dan.

"Thank you, you look fine." Dan complimented back to which Jennifer laughed "What's so funny?" Dan demanded as Jennifer shook her head and started coughing again. "Are you sick?" Dan wondered, adjusting himself away from the diseased person.

"Yes, but don't worry it's not contagious." Jennifer sneered. "Megan is outside if you want to see her." Jennifer quickly changed the subject with a grimace.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Dan asked but both he and Phil rose and came to sit on either side of her on the couch.

"I'm fine!" She spat and walked away. "Please go outside and meet your daughter." Jennifer requested before going into the kitchen. Dan was aghast but angry, so he followed her directions and slammed the door on the way out. Phil was going to follow him but then he heard a soft crash in the kitchen and went to investigate.

Jennifer was on the floor, very still with a plastic cup still clasped in her limp hand.

"Oh my god!" Phil gasped and hurried to her side without thinking. "Jennifer, Jennifer!" He patted and shook her shoulder. "I'm going to get Dan." He informed the motionless Jennifer. However, Dan's name seemed to wake her.

"Don't." She ordered then held out her hand. Phil came back and helped Jennifer up. Jennifer slumped in Phil's arms and they managed to get her back to the couch in one piece. Jennifer was panting and very close to fainting again as she tore off the blanket from her machine and slipped in her nose nubbins for oxygen. She breathed deeply until, shortly, she could breathe on her own.

"Are you okay?" Phil asked, Jennifer nodded weakly. "What the hell was that about then?" Phil flared up quickly. Jennifer looked ashamed.

"You can not tell Dan or Megan." Jennifer ordered.

"Fine." Phil was still angry but interested. Jennifer swallowed hard and squeezed her eyes shut tightly.

"I'm dying. I have been dying for ten years now. Since Megan was only a few months old, I have been battling cancer. I have hidden it from her for a very long time but I think my time with my daughter is fading." Jennifer gasped and tried to hold in her tears as Phil's squeezed out of his eyes. "Phil, if you tell Megan, I'll never forgive you; that's a promise." Her eyes were full of anger and worry.

"I promise I won't tell her." Phil reassured.

"Don't tell Dan either. I can't have him worrying about me and trying to get to know his daughter. And don't say he won't because I know he will." She pointed at Phil who looked like he was about to protest but he closed his mouth as he listened.

"I can't ever tell Dan?" Phil questioned shortly after she had finished.

"No." She stated emotionless.

"Will you?" Phil asked with growing worry.

"I don't know." She stated just as emotionless as before.

"If you don't, I will." Phil dared.

"Over my dead body." Jennifer grinned.

"That's not funny." Phil stated with a frown, as Jennifer coughed from laughing again.

"I need humor to survive, sorry if it bums you out." Jennifer noted. They were quiet for a minute or two.

"What kind?" Phil wondered softly.

"The kind that takes over your body little by little and there is almost nothing you can do about it except die slowly." Jennifer was once again emotionless.

"Ten years?" Phil asked, even more quietly than before.

"Ten years." Jennifer nodded. "My daughter's entire life, she has never been able to play tag with her mother, race me, chase me, she has done it all alone. It's been horribly lonely for her..." Jennifer was crying now and stuffing tissues up her nose and in her eyes to stop them from leaking. Phil was stunned and sightly patted her shoulder to which Jennifer shrugged away from. "I don't need your pity."

"I'm not pitying you, I'm comforting." Phil corrected then enveloped her into a hug.

"I don't need you comfort then." Jennifer mumbled and tried to push away but Phil tightened his grip.

"Yes you do." Phil held her even as she fell apart.

"Well, now that you know, I guess I can tell you." Jennifer guessed as she pulled away from Phil.

"Tell me what?" Phil asked.


	8. Chapter 8

"Unbelievable." Dan was still fuming when he went outside. He mumbled to himself, complaining about the woman he had once thought he'd spend the rest of his life with. "She's still as stubborn and bitter as she was ten years ago. It's in the past! Why can't she just let it-?".

"Mr. Howell?" A small voice invaded his angry thoughts. He glanced up and saw a small girl approaching him.

She's turning ten? Was Dan's first thought when he met his daughter. His next thought was She's my baby girl. As she brushed the brown hair from her brown eyes and tucked it behind her ear. The eyes were Dan's, so much so, he thought he was looking in a mirror; but the hair was Jennifer's: long, thick and wavy, when it felt like it, of course.

"You're Megan?" He questioned, unaware he was kneeling to be on her level.

"Um," She took a step back, unprepared for him to bend for her. "Yes. I'm Megan Jade Calhoun-Howell." She announced herself. She loved saying her full name to everyone, but never wanted to hear it from her mother.

"That's a mouthful." Dan noted before stopping himself. "Howell, huh?" Her face crumpled a little.

"Yeah, Mom took me it was just a coincidence that we shared last names. But then, I read the note Phil sent to her and then I found out..." She frowned at Dan's feet. Her tiny arms crossed over her tiny chest and she stomped her tiny feet. "She lied to me! Mom was the only person that never lied to me!" Now the tears were starting to well up and Dan began panicking.

"No, no, no! Don't cry!" He didn't know whether to hug her or rub her back or hold her hands and in his confused panic, he fell backwards on his butt. Megan was shocked and laughed despite herself. Dan joined in and it was a good while before they could stop.

"Megan?" Dan said after awhile.

"Yes?"

Dan paused before asking. "Did you even know?"

"That you were my dad?" Megan asked for him. Dan nodded his head.

"I had no idea." Megan shook hers.

"I didn't even know you existed." Dan noted solemnly. If I had, I would have visited you a lot more often."

"Really?" Megan questioned; partly excited, partly shocked anyone as cool as Dan, her dad, would want to hang out with a nobody like her.

"Without a doubt!" Dan reaffirmed.

"I thought, all this time, you didn't care about me." Megan whispered, feeling the tears creeping up on her again.

"You couldn't be more wrong." Dan then enveloped her into a hug.

"But you just met me." Megan reminded, mostly herself, in case this was a very deep and very long dream. Dan pushed her at arm's length.

"I think I sort of had known you your whole life, just on a deeper level." Dan concluded. With that, Megan smiled and flung her arms around her father for the first time when she had wanted to so many times before.


	9. Chapter 9

Dan and Megan played awhile while Jennifer explained her wishes to Phil.

"I couldn't!" Phil gasped after she had told him her final request.

"You have to! Phil, you're the only one who knows now, besides my lawyer. This was always the plan, ever since I found out about my illness." Phil looked stunned

"Even before..." Phil couldn't finish the thought but Jennifer nodded solemnly in answer. Phil touched her arm then hugged her before she could object. "Thank you." She hugged him back weakly.

"No, thank you." She insisted. That's when the back door opened and in came a whizzing Dan and a huffing Megan.

Dan's expression of exuberant delight faltered when he saw Jennifer who was rising to her feet as quickly as she could.

"Well, it looks like you two had fun!" Jennifer smiled at Megan, ignoring Dan's evil eye.

"We played tag! I won." Megan modestly stated, still beaming.

"I think everyone wins in tag, personally." Phil added, standing up and walking towards the loser.

"No, no, Megan won, fair and square." Dan confirmed, now moving his attention from Jennifer to Phil. Phil smiled and patted him affectionately on the shoulder. "How's about a Father's Day brunch?" Dan suggested, seeing if Megan would pick up what he had just laid down. Megan whipped around with a playful frown on her face.

"Hey!" She whined.

"Oh, that's right!" Dan slapped his hand to his forehead animatedly. "There's also something else very important happening today..." Megan waited impatiently. "It's summer solstice!" Dan laughed uproariously as Megan frowned and began fake beating on his arm.

"Dad!" She whined and laughed all at the same time.

"I'm sorry, Megan. Would you like to go on your birthday brunch now with me and Phil now?" Dan stopped joking around and smiled politely.

"Yes!" Megan nodded and ran from the room to get her outing shoes.

"Are you coming with us?" Dan asked not too friendly of Jennifer.

"No, I'd rather stay here." Jennifer answered, just as coldly. "And besides, it's your time with Megan now. I'll let you three enjoy it without me messing everything up." Dan paused in his hate for Jennifer to notice something off about her. Jennifer would have never ever admitted to being in the way of anyone to anyone else, especially to the one she would be in the way of.

"Jennifer, are you okay, honestly?" Dan asked quietly when Phil left the room to check on Megan.

"Why would you care, Dan? I lied to you, remember?" Jennifer reminded him just before Phil and Megan got back. "We'll talk later." Jennifer stated as she sat back onto the couch and hugged Megan tightly.

"Are you sure you don't want to come, Mama?" Megan questioned, unsure if she should leave her mother behind. Jennifer glanced at Dan then back at her daughter.

"We can do our birthday stuff when you get back." Jennifer smiled then kissed Megan's forehead. "Have an amazing time, pumpkin!" She cooed as Megan followed Dan and Phil out the front door, semi-guilt-free.

"I love you, Mama!" Megan called back before the door slammed shut behind the trio.

"Love you too, baby." Jennifer whispered before she took out her nubbins and put them into place so they would do their magic and make her live another day longer.


	10. Chapter 10

"What is her deal?" Dan cried in exasperation later that night. It had been a fun day of just father, step-father and daughter time but it had bothered Dan all day of why Jennifer had chosen to exclude herself when he remembered her inviting herself along to everything when they were together. Dan still smiles remembering when Jennifer had gotten them backstage to met Muse for the first time just because Jennifer convinced the manager of the band to let them just cause they were fans.

"Why does it matter?" Phil countered. "You spent the entire day with your daughter. It was your first real day of fatherhood! Doesn't that make you happy?" Phil wondered, setting down his phone onto the charging dock.

"No, it does not! The first real day of fatherhood should be when the baby is brought home from the hospital, not ten years after the fact! She just makes me so infuriated!" Dan yelled in frustration then he collapsed into his crease on their couch. Phil looked a like lost for words and tried to think of what to say or do when Dan spoke again. "She's changed so much. I don't even recognize her anymore." Dan sighed with disappointment.

"I thought you hated Jennifer." Phil edged closer to Dan, but did not relax. Dan looked at Phil like he was a stranger.

"I never hated her! I used to think that she was the one I was going to spend the rest of my life with! Finish law school, buy a house, become a lawyer while she did her art stuff in her own space, get a dog..." Dan trailed off as the list of forgotten things to do came rushing back to him.

"At least you had a kid together." Phil muttered softly.

"Yeah, but we didn't raise her together. That was all Jennifer's doing, none of mine. What are their traditions? Where do they spend their holidays? What does Megan even believe in? Or does she believe in anything? I know NOTHING about MY OWN DAUGHTER!" Dan's face went red with anger as his eyes filled with tears. There was a long silence only broken by Dan's hiccuped sobs.

"How do you think I feel, Dan?" Phil's steady but hurt voice broke the already broken silence. Dan glanced and saw a tear drip of Phil's nose and onto his tighten fist. "I'm a step-dad now. I'm an invader in this family. I have crossed borders, taking you as my treasure and escaped into the night with you. I'm an intruder and a thief to Megan. I'm the reason you weren't a proper family in the first place!" He yelled then shot off the couch and ran blindly into their shared bedroom. Dan didn't stop him because he couldn't process his words quickly enough. Only after an hour of recalling banished and forgotten memories did Dan realize what this had done to everyone involved.

For Phil, it made him an automatic outcast and target for everyone who were friends with Dan and Jennifer at the time of their break-up. Not to mention her family, his family and Phil's. Who would want to bring their... What had Phil called Dan? His 'stolen treasure' to Thanksgiving dinner? Not a man who had just came out by stealing a boyfriend, THAT'S for sure!

For Megan, it meant she wouldn't have a father figure in her life and so she had turned to someone famous to fill the void. Thankfully, it had been he and Phil. But what if it hadn't been? What if it had been... Drugs, porn, or a friendly stranger? Dan couldn't bring himself to think about those possible outcomes.

And finally, what had it done to Jennifer? She had been the bride left at the alter, the dumpee, the laughingstock at every family reunion until death did her part. Even if she had remarried, what good did it do? The damage was done. Every young cousin and drunk uncle would have brought it up anytime they needed to spice things up. No wonder she had decided to stay in Great Britain! And with a kid, nearly two-thirds of the male population would have dubbed her 'undesirable' due to bedtimes and babysitters to keep track of.

But Jennifer hadn't ever needed help, or, at least, enough help to lower herself to asking he, Dan, for help. She had kept her mouth shut, head down and did what she had needed to do to get things that needed to get done, finished. Megan was an amazing little girl, Dan now realized. Not because of her personality, though it did have something to do with it, but because of Jennifer raising her to be so.

Megan was polite, confident, under control and an all around wonderful little human. She could have been so much worse, if Jennifer hadn't cared. But Jennifer's work of molding and shaping spoke for itself because it, was Megan!

Phil eventually came out to find Dan having an extensional crisis on his carpeted claimed spot.

"Dan?" Phil asked softly, beginning to lightly rub Dan's back.

A muffled "Yes?" arose from underneath the immoveable Daniel.

"Are you okay?" Phil wondered worriedly.

"No." Dan replied back.

"Will you be okay?"

"Eventually?"

"Do you need anything?"

After a slight pause... "Dinner."

"Curry sound good?" Phil smiled as he suggested it.

"Only if you're making it." Dan smiled back, still muffled.

"I will." Phil promised.

"Phil?"

"Yes?"

Dan sat up. "I love you, I left Jennifer of my own accord, not just because of you."

"But I did have a hand in it..." Phil bashfully pointed out, but Dan quickly dashed the thought aside.

"Jennifer and I would be fighting everyday. That's NO place to raise a child... Properly, at least. I'm not sure if she has forgiven you, but I have. Not only because I love you but also because I love you. You're my best friend and I don't know what I'd do without you in my life!" Dan finished in exclamation and pulled Phil's face towards his own. Phil's crouch was now destroyed as his knees found the floor while Dan used thrust to push his lips into Phil's. They kissed as Phil adjusted into his new position and Dan moved himself to accommodate for Phil's new height. Phil pulled away gently with a smile on his face as he rested his forehead to Dan's.

"Same here, Father Daniel." Phil smiled mischievously. Dan felt his warm, cuddly love melt away as Phil's words splash against his word identifier.

"Sod off!" Dan pushed Phil away, laughing. Phil then grew serious.

"I love you too." They kissed then Phil left Dan's side to make curry. Then Dan picked up his keys, phone, wallet and left the apartment. Phil heard this then rushed to the window that overlooked the front door. "What are you doing?" He called after Dan, who was hailing a taxi.

"Something that needed to be done a long time ago!" Dan called back before he got into the cab.


	11. Chapter 11

"I hope you had the best birthday ever, Sweetie." Jennifer told Megan as she tucked her in that night.

"Believe me, Momma, I did! I got my birthday wish." Megan smiled as she snuggled into her Disney Princess sheets.

"What was that?" Jennifer asked, smoothing out the sheets, to give the snuggle that sealed tight feeling her mother had done for her.

"I wished every birthday that I'd meet my dad. And because I wished so hard, now I have two! It really was the best day ever." Megan finished with a yawn. Jennifer managed a smile through her shock.

"I'm so glad, Sweetheart. I wish you felt this happy every single day." Jennifer only wished she could live longer to see more. Jennifer then kissed Megan's forehead and turned to leave.

"Mama?" Megan called a little apprehensively.

"What Sweetheart?" Jennifer asked, there was a pause that held some big question that Megan seemed too afraid to ask.

"Never mind." Megan said at last.

"Okay, goodnight, don't let the bed bugs bite." Jennifer called from the door.

"That's right." Megan called sleepily back. But Megan had a hard time falling asleep since she was thinking about how what she wished this birthday.

As Dan and Phil sang her happy birthday over a rather large cupcake, she closed her eyes and thought of what to wish for. She could safe it, but then it wouldn't be special. Then, she remembered.

Momma's doctor had been talking to Momma rather loudly, more like yelling at her. Megan was outside the door, watching Disney music videos on her iPad when she had heard Momma's doctor's angered voice ring out: "When are you going to tell her? It's not like you're getting any healthier!" Momma was sick, very sick. If she hadn't told Megan.

So, as Dan and Phil let their last verse ring out to Megan, Megan opened her eyes and wished for Jennifer to be healed. It was, pun indented, wishful thinking, but Megan was hopeful. The doctor had said that soon, Jennifer didn't need to come for appointments anymore. That must mean that Jennifer was getting better! Megan only hoped that Jennifer and Dan could soon be in the same room together without fighting with each other.


	12. Chapter 12

Jennifer dragged herself back downstairs and into the lounge. She grabbed the pillow from under the couch and plugged herself back into her machine. Jennifer hadn't been able to sleep in her bed since she got her machine four years ago. It was hard to be so still for so long, but she did what she needed to make sure Megan didn't come home to Jennifer's corpse on the couch. That was the only real thing keeping Jennifer going: the thought of Megan being alone.

Jennifer wasn't suicidal or anything but it just seemed pointless to keep having all these expensive chemicals being pumped into her system since she was a lost cause. She certainly wasn't living anymore, hadn't been for a while. But Megan, Megan was her redeeming quality of living. How wrong she had been to think Megan would ruin her life! Megan brought her life by living, playing and doing everything that Jennifer could no longer accomplish!

Jennifer's head was still spinning with these dizzying thoughts when there was a knock on the front door. Jennifer pulled herself to her feet once more and went to open the door.

"Hello?" She asked with the chain on her side of the door.

"Jennifer, it's Dan." Dan answered from the other side. Jennifer stepped back, adjusted her nightgown and held her head high as she undid the chain and opened the door.

"What do you want?" Jennifer growled stiffly.

"I came to apologize." Stated the wet and dripping Dan. So shocked to hear Dan's voice on the other side of the door, Jennifer dropped the act completely and helped Dan inside.

She told him where the towels were and headed back into the lounge. She plugged herself back into the machine and breathed deeply to help her panicking heart from giving out. Dan came back wrapped in a large beach towel. He froze when he saw Jennifer's nubbins in her nostrils.

"Jennifer, what are those?" He asked as if they would tear her face off at any sudden movements.

"Dan, sit down, please." Jennifer requested. Dan took the spot in the armchair nearest her and both waited. "You came in the rain so you go first." Jennifer insisted.

"Very well. Jennifer, I'm sorry for everything I did to you. I realize now that we had been in love all those years ago and I didn't understand why you had been so upset when I found Phil. But now, I do. I've grown up Jennifer, I know you have too; kids do that to people. But, to be honest, I don't think we would have stayed together. We're not who we used to be, ya know? I'd still be closeted and you'd be getting my 'I'm angry but I'm not sure why' back splash and I don't want that. Not for you, not for me, especially not for Megan. But I'm here now and if you or Megan need anything. Money, babysitting, ANYTHING, you let me know and I'll take care of it." Dan finished by coming over, sitting on the table in front of her and hugging Jennifer.

Jennifer hadn't experienced anything close to this close of human contact and intimacy since... Well, she had last been with Dan. She was breathless and felt light-headed, and not from her need of oxygen being pumped into her lungs for once. Jennifer tightened her grip on Dan's back and sighed.

"Oh god, I've missed this." She let out before she could stop herself. Dan chuckled and she felt it roll and rumble inside of him. Her own personal thunder, she thought amusingly. Too bad there was no more lighting. Dan let Jennifer hold on a little longer then, gently, you had to be gentle in these situations, pulled her arms off and pushed away. "Sorry." Jennifer mumbled, but she wasn't. She hadn't realized just how MUCH she had missed the familiar touch of someone you knew, better than yourself, sometimes.

"It's okay. I'm just married, that's all." Dan reminded softly, but it still stung.

"Dan, if you weren't married and not gay and we had been married, would you have stayed, even though the fighting and drama?" Jennifer seemed desperate for the answer even though it was pointless.

"Jennifer, those are awfully big 'if's..." Dan pointed out.

"I don't care!" Jennifer suddenly roared. She clamped a hand to her mouth and held her breath to see if Megan would stir. Please let her not, we need to finish what we've started here. No noise came from upstairs, good. "I don't care, Dan. I just need to know, okay?" Her eyes were suddenly moistened.

"Jennifer, why does it matter?" Dan wondered softly.

"I just need to know." She repeated. Dan wasn't satisfied with the answer but gave the one she had been hoping for.

"Yes, of course I would still be here. I would help raise Megan, we'd yell at each other though."

"I don't mind, as long as I still have you." Jennifer stated quickly. Dan looked shocked then Jennifer looked up into his dark brown eyes and whispered through hiccups and tears "I still love you." There was a long, drawn out quiet that formed between them

"But you said you hated me..." Dan remembered flabbergasted.

"I lied to make it easier for us to move on and forget each other. But I have had ten years to do nothing expect remember the good times. No distractions, nothing."

"But what about Megan?"

"You can daydream while you feed a baby." Jennifer replied quickly as if she'd known he would ask that question. "I missed you, I love you, but I know I can't have you again." Jennifer came to terms with this a long time ago. "But it's still nice to remember."

"That's why you were being a bitch." Dan had an 'oh, I get it' sigh to his voice. Jennifer nodded.

"To push you away so I'd see the bad side of you and not want you. But, I still wanted to be yours." Jennifer shook her head. "I'll never get over you."

"You don't know that." Dan smiled, filled with that idiotic hope that Jennifer had been hearing from her doctors too long.

"Dan, aren't you wondering why I have this?" She pulled on the cord that connected the nubbins to the machine. Dan had been but he wanted to get everything off his chest first and he had been scared. But he nodded despite this. "Dan," She held his hands and they looked into each others eyes. "I'm dying." Her voice broke and so did she. She heaved deeply to keep the sobs at bay but it was a fruitless attempt. Telling someone you know is far easier than telling someone you love because you hope they care about losing you as you care about being lost.

"What?" He voice was broken too as she gasped and struggled.

"I have been battling cancer for nearly six years now and I went to the doctor recently and there's nothing they can do for me anymore. They're letting it run it's course but it looks like I have less than a year, made a year left." Dan was now on the floor in between her, the couch and the table he had been sitting on. He was hugging her waist and sobbing into her stomach.

"No!" He muffled roared. She rubbed his back and turn in on herself so she could somewhat 'hug' him. "No, no, NO!" Dan yelled defiantly as if the cancer would be terrified into submission and dormancy. He continued this for ten minutes until his throat was sore.

"Dan, you can't fight it, least of all for me." Jennifer stated as if this would clam him. "Aren't you glad though?" Dan looked at her like she had just said 'Killing puppies is my favorite hobby!'. "I mean that this happened to me and not Phil nor Megan." Dan didn't want to answer but his silence was answer enough.

"What will happen to Megan?" Dan asked realizing Megan would be sent to a foster home.

"Well, I talked to my lawyer a while back and you are to take care of her until she's grown." Dan shot his snotty and shocked face up to her to see if she was serious. "You'll get your chance to raise her too. And it'll be at the fun bit. The birds and the bees, hormones, sweet sixteen, prom..." Jennifer's sad smile told Dan that she'd miss missing out on Megan growing up but she'd cherish the years she did have with the little time she had left, or what was giving to her. "You're going to have a blast."

"Jennifer, Megan is, she's..." Dan was at a lost for words.

"She's your daughter too . It's not going to be a small task but I'm sure you and Phil can figure it out. Phil told me about the adoption papers too. If you have Megan, it'll show those bastards you CAN raise a child just as well as anyone else! And pick someone nice for her to play with, she's always wanted a brother, surprisingly."

"How can you be so nonchalant?" Dan practically bellowed. Jennifer shushed him and waited to see if Megan would stir, she didn't.

"When you sit on a couch all day, you have a lot of time to think." Jennifer informed him. He thought for a long while until...

"Thank you."

"She is my greatest treasure, don't scar her too badly." Jennifer smiled and Dan laughed.

"I'll polish her everyday." He joked.

"Good, and don't freak her out with an extensional crisis, she's a deep thinker like you"

"And she gets some of it from you too." Dan stated but Jennifer had a feeling he didn't know what he was talking about. "Now that I know, will you join us on outings more?"

"I might." She agreed, liking the idea of sunshine from it's source and not from a pane of glass. Jennifer thought very briefly about kissing Dan. But she liked Phil and didn't want to betray him or his trust in Dan. Losing either would be worse than losing her limbs. "Goodnight Dan." She smiled as she showed him the door.

"Thank you for telling me all this." Dan mumbled as he turned back to talk to her. "I hope I could make it up to you someday. Everything you've done, it's just so..."

"Human?" She suggested, thinking of her funeral.

"Selfless." Dan finished with a sad little smile. Jennifer wasn't expecting this but nodded as if she had.

"Thank you, Dan." She replied. "Goodbye, then." She opened the door and saw the deserted, moistened street. "Look it stopped raining." She smiled.

"And the clouds are gone." Dan also noticed.

"I have missed the moon." Jennifer whispered as she staring at the moon in awe. It was big and beautiful, not quite full, it still had a few nights before that, but dazzling nevertheless.

"Goodnight, Jennifer." Dan whispered and he bent and kissed her cheek. Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped as Dan scooted down the steps quickly. Jennifer was going to call after him, but decided not to. What good would it do? To call him back and invite him back in? She had said she still loved him, but he hadn't said it back. Only she loved him, she knew that, she had to remind herself.

"Goodnight, Dan." She whispered to the wind. She then closed the door and everything went back to normal, as if it could have gone any differently; what silly thinking she had!


	13. Chapter 13

Dan had thought about kissing Jennifer goodbye properly as she stared at the moon, she had looked so beautiful; but he thought of Phil and only kissed her cheek. Phil couldn't get mad at that, if he did find out. What good would it have done, anyways?


	14. Chapter 14

The next morning, Megan comes downstairs to find Jennifer has made her favorite breakfast from one of their shared favorite shows: bacon pancakes from Adventure Time. Jennifer never made breakfast, but there she was, humming the song that went with the pancakes from the show.

"Momma?" Megan wondered, Jennifer turned smiling. "What is all this?"

"Just a little something I threw together. Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!" Jennifer beamed.

"But my birthday was yesterday..." Megan reminded her, a little confused herself.

"That's true, but it was also Father's Day. This is my birthday surprise for you." Jennifer explained, flipping a couple pancakes on a plate and handing them to Jennifer. "The cherry syrup is on the table." She informed her as she went back to flipping.

"Thanks Mom!" Megan smiled and toddled into the small area they called the dining room. It was a cut off part of the kitchen, enough room for a tiny table and two mismatched chairs. Megan sat in the yellow one, which was hers and reached for the syrup on the table. Jennifer came in and sat in hers which was blue. "Mom this is so good, thank you!" Megan commented in between giant mouthfuls of bacon and pancake syrup soaked goodness.

"You're welcome Sweetheart." Jennifer again smiled but it held a certain kind of sadness.

"Momma, is something wrong?" Megan asked pausing in her devouring. Jennifer shook her head to wake her up from her distracting thoughts.

"What? No. Nothing is wrong." But it was a lie and Jennifer wanted to corrected herself but decided against it. She ended up opening her mouth, only to close it and smile again. Megan was suspicious all through breakfast, but said nothing.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Jennifer asked as they made their way into the lounge again. Megan looked at the covered machine and thought hard. She finally sighed and sat in the armchair Dan had sat in the night before.

"I want you to tell me the truth." Megan crossed her arms as Jennifer's legs gave way as she sat on the couch.

"Oh... What truth?" Jennifer asked as if she had no idea what Megan was talking about. Megan only point to the machine.

"And don't lie." Megan demanded. Normally, Jennifer would have told Megan to stop being sassy but she knew Megan was only doing because she knew she had been lied to for a long time.

"Okay Megan, I won't lie but can I try to made it easier for you?" Jennifer suggested in question. Megan nodded and Jennifer began with a sigh. "Okay, Megan, let me think." Both were quiet as Jennifer thought. "I'm going to tell you a story that is all true." And she began...


	15. Chapter 15

"Once upon a time, there was a knight she was brave and bold and had many adventures with her king. Her king, one day, told her he loved his jester, a kind and gentle fool. The knight was angry and ran away from his palace to live alone. 'Twas better to life alone than be hurt.' The knight thought bitterly." Megan giggled at the 'twas' but didn't interrupt Jennifer's story.

"She had come to find herself with child. She knew the king would want to know of this, but she had declared she hated him upon her leaving. She didn't want the child to interrupt his life as it did her own because she, in fact, still did love the king." Megan seemed intrastate by Jennifer's words and Jennifer wondered if Megan was following along. She was.

"During the little princess's four winter, the knight felt a pain inside herself. She went to her locate healer and he told her she had a monster living inside herself. He told her she wouldn't have long to life but she decided she would not let this disease change her. But it did as it always does." Megan watched in quite horror as Jennifer explained her downfall.

"The knight began to have trouble chasing her daughter. She got some potions to help her keep up. The knight then had trouble sleeping. The healer gave her some herbs. The knight then couldn't breathe on her own any longer. The healer asked for the assistance of an inventor who made a machine to help her breathe normally. But by now, the knight and her princess could no longer do any adventures together and the knight was devastated at seeing the princess suffer at the knight's expense. So, the knight made the decision to send the princess to the king in his kingdom so he could meet his daughter for the first time. During their time apart, the king and jester had become popular and the subjects of their kingdom praised them with joy." Megan listened intently and began to understand but she didn't at the same time.

"The knight went to the healer and the healer told her there was nothing else he could do for her and took her to get her affairs in order before her death. She promised she would and, with a heavy heart, sent her daughter to the kingdom that the knight had fled from." Megan shook her head and tears began running down her cheeks.

"The little princess when into the palace the king now ruled but met the jester instead and befriended him. The jester then told the king to go visit the knight. The king was angry but went along on the journey. The knight saw the king and felt the love she had repressed for years return to her so, she behaved poorly. The king too behaved most inhuman like. They were sorry later."

"The king and princess met in the garden and both felt the love between child and father, and knew, twas true: they were father and daughter. The knight fell in the kitchen and was forced to explain to the jester. She refused to tell her daughter and the king, in fear they'd grow angry and hate the knight."

"Then, that same night, the king came back and apologized for all the pain he had caused the knight. The knight also apologized and told him of her illness. The king was devastated as she was. The knight told him that when she pasted, the king and the jester would take care of the princess until the princess had grown." Megan froze and looked at her knight. "The king and jester promised they would." Megan smiled weakly but knew there was an end to this story. "The knight in the morrow told her of everything then happened in the past in a fairy tale form in hopes that she, her princess, would forgive her for her not being told sooner." Megan nodded which choked Jennifer up.

"The rest is uncertain for the little broken family except that there will come a day, a day far too soon, that the knight and mother will not be around for her princess. But she hopes that the princess will not feel alone. Because there will be a jester, and a king, and a knight all looking after her, even if she can not see the knight, she will feel her presence and know that the knight never died only left her mortal shell behind." Megan hugged Jennifer tightly. "Will my princess be okay?" Jennifer choked out.

"Someday, my knight." Megan sniffled causing Jennifer to sob.

"Dan and Phil will be here for you whenever you need them." Jennifer reiterated.

"Can they be here now?" Megan asked hopefully.

"They can be when they get here." Jennifer said and reached for her phone. Dan and Phil had been out, looking for a game PJ had suggested for Megan when Phil's phone rang.

"Where are you guys?" Jennifer sniffed, no greetings in a time of need.

"Out, London, what's wrong?" Phil quickly asked, filled with worry at the sound of Jennifer's voice.

"I just told Megan." She whispered, Megan howled in the background.

"We'll be right over." Phil promised then hung up. They gave up the search and were entering Jennifer's house twenty minutes later.

Wordlessly, Dan went and held onto Megan as Phil went and hugged Jennifer.

"You should have waited for us!" Dan scolded as Megan's tears renewed.

"I waited six years, sorry if I couldn't any longer!" Jennifer snapped back, dabbing at her eyes. Phil began chuckling. "What's so funny?" Jennifer as, pushing herself away from him.

"You're fighting like an old married couple even when you should be mourning!" Phil guffawed. Then Megan began to giggle and started laugh as hard as Phil. Finally, Dan and Jennifer both looked at each other and laughed too. They were all laughing and crying until their sides hurt.

"What am I going to do with you two?" Jennifer asked, wrapping her arms around Dan and Phil's necks.

"Can't we keep them?" Megan begged. Dan and Phil laughed and Jennifer smile then played along.

"Oh, I don't know, Sweetheart..." Jennifer sighed, hugging Dan and Phil tighter.

"Please!" Megan begged more aggressively.

"They're a lot of work..." Jennifer pointed out.

"I'll take care of them!" Megan slapped a hand to her tiny chest.

"This one," She noted, tousling Phil's hair. "Is so clumsy, he trips on himself."

"I'll make sure there bubble wrap around at all times." Megan thought quickly.

"And this one," She stated, bumping her head to Dan's gently. "Has a tendency to fall into pit of deep, dark, thoughtful depressions every so often; falling to the carpet and lying there for hours on end."

"I'll have the carpet removed to make it uncomfortable. And the only carpet will be in my room and there I'll tickle him until he snaps out of it!" Megan squealed as she began to tickle Dan.

Dan laughed and requested help only to find Phil his enemy as Phil helped tackle to the floor and hold Dan down as Megan tickled his belly mercilessly. Jennifer smiled and slipped her nubbins into place once more.

She watched a glimpse of what their lives would be after she had gone: fun and innocent. Just as she had hoped. Now, she could, when her time came, accept death a little easier.


	16. Chapter 16

Dan went to get up. "Dan?" She asked softly.

"Huh?" He turned and his mouth was enclosed around Jennifer's. She kissed him deeply and passionately before pulling away swiftly.

"Sorry, I had to get one more in before you left." She wiped her mouth with her fingers a slight tint to her cheeks. Dan remained motionless with his lips still slightly perked. "Don't tell Phil, okay? He's a great guy, really." Dan nodded.

"Only if you don't tell him about this." He kissed her back. It felt so good. It was like a lunch with an old friend you haven't seen in a while. Warm, inviting, familiar.

"Dan, wait." Jennifer pulled away briefly. Dan thought she was stopping and urged her not to, but she was only pulling off her oxygen nubbins and got the cord out of the way. It felt like when they were in the honeymoon state of dating all over again. Dan thought if he opened his eyes, he find himself back in the hotel room where he and Jennifer first shared a bed together. But no, when he opened his eyes and Jennifer put her oxygen back on, he felt shame. "Don't tell Phil, please." Jennifer whispered.

"I won't." Dan promised.

"I won't either." A small voice choked out from the door way. Dan and Jennifer both grimaced and turned, excepting a tiny Megan, with tears streaming down her cheeks at the betrayal before her. But when they turned, they were shocked to see a tall but just as equally heartbroken Phil with angry tears flooding down his cheeks.

"Phil!" Dan gasped rising quickly and rushing to Phil's side.

"I'm so sorry!" Jennifer felt tears rising in her own eyes.

"You will be." Phil growled as he pushed passed Dan and held up his hands, which were heading straight for Jennifer's throat. His fingers curled around her windpipe and tightened as she fell backwards with his force. She gasped for air and clawed at her neck which Phil held tighter.

"Phil, what the hell? Get off of her!" Dan yelled but Phil tossed him backwards and Dan broke the table in front of the couch with his back.

"You love her more than me, admit it!" Phil bellowed as Jennifer's eyes began to bulge and water, but Dan was unconscious and still. "He doesn't need to say it; I know it!" He roared and yanked the oxygen cords from Jennifer's nostrils. The sudden pull scratched her nose insides and cause a vicious nose bleed. Her blood trickled down Phil's fingers as her motions became slower and stiller. Finally, she moved no longer and her hand fell to the side with a softened dull thump against the couch's surface. Phil finally let go and saw, in horror, what he had done.

"Mommy?" A infantile voice peeped up behind Phil. Phil rose and turned to face the now orphaned Megan, all because of Phil's jealous hands and actions. "Phil, what are you doing...?" But then she saw the blood on his hands and the motionless bodies of her parents and let out a wailing scream.

"No, no, don't cry, Megan. I can fix it." Phil urged, but as he nearer her, he felt himself lose control. He again enclosed his now bloody fingers around the little girl's tiny throat. "I'm sorry." He apologized as her eyes, still wet with mourning tears began to bulge like her mother's. "I'm sorry!" He repeated over and over again until Megan's arms fell to her sides. "No." Phil whispered as he lets her fall from his slackened grip. He then looks around at the damage he has inflicted onto this broken family. "No, no! This wasn't suppose to happen." He cried and fell to his knees.

Jennifer left unblinking, staring at the ceiling. Dan, flailed out on the broken table like a dead bird. And Megan, looks like a marionette with her strings cut and gone, Phil thinks he even sees a tiny chip in her flawless porcelain skin.

Grief, now completely over taken him, he felt his fingers reached for his own throat and before he can protest, they wrapped around his larynx and began to squeeze. "No, stop!" He choked out but it only tightened their grip. He began to see spots and know it was too late for him. He made quick glances at the dead bodies before him one more time, resting on Megan. "I'm sorry." He apologized one last time before darkness over took him.


	17. Chapter 17

Phil woke up in a sweat, he was tangled in his sheets and Dan was looking at him fearfully. It was a dream, it had only been a nightmare. A terribly realistic, hellish, nightmare.

"Phil, are you okay?" Dan muttered alarmed, still half asleep. Stating the obvious was strangely comforting. "You had a nightmare." Then it quickly turned annoying. Phil wrapped his slick arms around Dan's naked chest.

"Dan, it was horrible." Phil gasped in fear. "You were there, and Jennifer was there and so was-"

"Dad?" A small voice asked from the doorway, too much like Phil's recent nightmare. Phil seized up when he heard his step-daughter's call.

"What's wrong, Sweetie?" Dan asked, trying to look around Phil's body to make sure she know he was listening.

"I had a nightmare." Megan whimpered. Phil went ridged and turned slowly to gaze at the sniffing child.

"What was it about?" Phil wondered worriedly.

"I was on the p-playground at s-school and a c-clown was c-chasing me with a b-butch knife!" Megan sobbed. Dan disentangle himself from Phil and quickly swept her up in his arms.

"There, there. There's no such thing as murdering clowns on playgrounds." Dan soothed her as he took her back to her bedroom.

"How do you know that?" She wailed.

"Because Daddy won't let them come near you." Dan hushed. Then they were in her bedroom which was down the hall. Phil could make out talking, but not words.

It had been three months since that Father's Day/Birthday/Reunion, and Phil's nightmares were growing worse with each night. Phil hadn't told Dan about any of his nightmares in fear Dan would think them silly and pointless. But if Phil thought they were important, then shouldn't Dan too? The light from Megan's bedroom turned off and soon Dan was back at Phil's side.

"So, do you want to tell me about your nightmare?" Dan asked conversationally as he cuddled closer to Phil. Phil looked at him terrified. "Come on, I'm not stupid. I could tell by your tossing and turning. Spill it." Dan demanded. Phil requested to be the little spoon so he didn't have to see Dan's face as he told his tale. Once finished, Dan rolled Phil back over and looked him straight in the eye. "I would never cheat on you."

"That's what you're taking out of this?" Phil laughed, aghast.

"Well, it's true! You're feeling guilt for being with me after finding out about my family. That's why you're forcing yourself to have these nightmares night after night. But you're apart of this family Phil Lester! Don't you doubt that for a second." Dan kissed Phil's forehead, hesitated then spoke again. "I've been awake while you've been dealing with your demons." Dan explained quickly. "I was looking up reasons of why you kept having reoccurring nightmares during those restless nights so I could try to understand what you were going through. I couldn't sleep while you're doing that to yourself!"

"Don't what?" Phil asked numbly.

"This." Dan laid his head on the pillow then simulated what he had experienced over the last few months. The bed was rattling so bad, it squeaked in places Phil had never heard it squeak before.

"Why didn't you talk sooner?" Phil wondered, feeling relieved and honored at Dan's worry.

"Well, I thought it might go away if left alone..." Dan muttered embarrassed, propping himself on his elbow to look at Phil.

"Dan, you've been losing sleep for months..." Phil gave him a worried look then caressed Dan's cheek. No wonder he had been such a grouch and going to bed when Megan did!

"It was worth it, now that I know what the issue is." Dan grabbed Phil's hand and kissed it.

"But, you didn't have to..." Phil thought sadly at Dan's sleeping sacrifice; sleacrirfice, if you would.

"I needed to since you couldn't. That's love Phil Lester." Dan explained. Dan expected Phil to laugh but Phil teared up instead and pulled Dan close. "Try to get some sleep." He whispered as he switched off the light. Phil nodded and drifted into a new dream of he and Dan taking Megan to the park while Jennifer watched on a park bench, not too far.

He never had that nightmare again.


	18. Chapter 18

The months went by slowly and faster than ever in that first year with Megan. She stayed with Dan and Phil every weekend she and or Jennifer didn't have plans. And Dan and Phil made sure they were memorable. Either going to the beach or going to the circus, Megan had the time of her life. She was unaware that Dan and Phil were avoiding places with high draw of reporters and internet fans. They weren't ready for Megan to be completely submersed in their world.

Jennifer was getting along during those weekends surprisingly well. She asked old friends to come over and visit her that she hadn't seen since she worked. They were all happy to see her again and tried to relate to her, or at least, the new version of her that they had no idea about. But, at the end of the day, she felt lonelier than ever. She couldn't wait for Megan to come home again. She always invited Dan and Phil in for a cup of tea before they left and they usually stayed unless it was a Radio Sunday.

Things were beginning to form a routine when it happened.

Two months before the holiday seasons, Jennifer fell and couldn't get back up. She thankfully had her phone and called 999. Once in the hospital, she asked a nurse to call Dan and Phil. They had been helping Megan play dress up when the phone rang. They rushed to the hospital and found Jennifer in a bed with an IV dripping in her arm while her blood was being drawn.

Dan and Phil were asked to step out into the hallway while Megan was left with her mother.

"Mommy, what happened?" Megan asked, transfixed on the blood being drawn.

"I fell, Sweetheart, but I'm feeling better, I swear." Jennifer slowly held up the hand and arm not being used and gave a three fingered salute. Megan didn't believe her and Jennifer could see that. "Oh my, what a beautiful dress you have on!" Jennifer gasped and looked up and down at Megan's tutu ballerina dress.

"Dad and Phil were playing too!" Megan oozed after she spun for her mother.

"They were!" Jennifer got to the same level of excitement as Megan, but with great difficultly. It's hard to put on a happy face when you're told you'll never walk again. Which was what Dan and Phil were finding out in the hall at that moment.

"Are you sure?" Phil questioned, with one hand on his chest and another in Dan's limp hand.

"I'm sorry, there is nothing we can do for her." The doctor with the giant nose and small glasses assured.

"How long does she have left?" Phil interrogated, but Dan wasn't listening. He eyes were drawn into the hospital room.

In the tiny window on the door, he could see Megan dancing around, explaining whatever and Jennifer, pale and tried, enthralled in Megan's words. They were each other's suns, how could this happen to such good people? The question rang out in his head over and over again until the doctor was called away to a 'more urgent case', a person with more of a chance, no doubt. Dan stared bitterly in at the mother and his daughter.

"Are you okay?" Phil wondered anxiously.

"I don't think I'll ever be okay again." Dan spat back. Phil nodded and rested his head on Dan's shoulder, watching the mother and daughter himself. "How long does Jennifer have?" Dan's eyes now fell on Jennifer who was now the one telling the story with Megan sitting still as Jennifer's blood pressure was taken. "I wasn't listening before."

"I could tell." Phil noted with a sad smile. "Maybe to Christmas, to summer if she's super lucky, but less than a year, most definitely." Phil informed with a voice that told Dan Phil was far away. "They deserve better." Phil sighed, a lump catching in his throat. "Jennifer deserves an athlete's body and Megan deserves an entire palace of people to tell her how important she is and kids to play with and listen to her." Phil was angry, bitter and upset. Everything Dan was feeling, but Dan's feelings were so great, they made him grow numb.

"Phil," Dan choked out, cleared his throat and tried again. "Phil, they deserve all that, but I think we should give them what they need right now." Dan took in a sharp breath and let it go.

"What do they need then?" Phil asked.

"They need support, care, and love. They need a family." Dan stated then explained his plan to Phil.

Megan saw Phil nodding from the same window Dan and Phil had used to look in on them.

"Miss Calhoun?" The nurse asked of Jennifer. Jennifer turned and looked at the male nurse. "I need one more sample."

"Please, take it and go, along with my dignity." Jennifer whispered savagely.

"I need a urine sample." The nurse whispered back.

"Oh, fine." Jennifer whispered then turned back to Megan. "I'll be right back, Sweetie." She kissed her daughter's forehead before being helped into a wheel chair. As Megan's head began to swirl and fill with worry and questions, Dan and Phil came in.

"Dad, Phil, why didn't Mommy just walk to the bathroom? And why did the nurse have to help her?" Megan's wide eyes emulated her brain's concerns tenfold. Dan didn't know what to say and wandered to the window. Phil came over and held Megan close. No one said anything which drove Megan's fears and worries mad. "What's happening?" She wanted to scream, but it only came out in a whisper.

"Mommy can't walk on her own anymore." Dad choked out with an exhale of breathe. Megan couldn't fathom it and went limp, but she still stood since Phil was holding her up.

"Why?" She managed with tears leaked down her cheeks.

"I don't know!" Dan roared, grasping the windows still suddenly. This scared Megan and she seized up into a hug in Phil's arms. Phil held her tightly as Dan went on. "I don't know why Jennifer is getting all the world's problems dumped on her! I don't understand it! She doesn't deserve ANY of this! She's important too! Just as important as any president, CEO, or sheriff. Why is this happening? Why?" Dan's angry flickered and died into sadness. Phil let Dan finish then picked Megan up, who was now crying and gave her to Dan. Dan glanced at his crying daughter and immediately took her from Phil. "I'm sorry." He whispered while Megan wailed.

"You really didn't have to be so harsh." Phil muttered but he saw the look Dan gave him and he promptly walked away.

"Dad, Mommy isn't going to make it... Is she?" Megan stated. It terrified them both but knowing the truth would have less sting when grief was appropriate.

"No, she won't." Dan finally accepted, which gave Megan the tools to start her own grieving process.

"Dad," Megan whimpered. Dan glanced down at her. "I'm sad." It was obvious, simple, and true, but it spoke volumes to Dan.

"I know baby, I am too." Dan hugged her and tried to let her know she wouldn't be alone through the hug, but she already knew.

The nurse rolled Jennifer in as Megan dried her eyes. When Jennifer was back in the hospital bed, the nurse left and she had time with her sun and her boys.

"You all know then?" Everyone nodded. "Megan? Are you okay?" Jennifer put on a brave face as she asked this.

"I will be." Megan answered, hugging her mother closely.

"I think you should go live with Dan and Phil during the week and visit me during the weekends from now on." Jennifer breathed with a heavy heart. Everyone looked shocked as Jennifer explained "I don't want you to see me decline. I'll have a nurse now until we can sell the house and get everything in order for my death. Megan, I will still see you and you can visit me every weekend. I don't want you to see me fall apart; I don't want to be remembered by you that way. Please understand." Jennifer begged.

"You don't love me?" Megan tears welled up again but Jennifer was quick to act.

"No, not at all! The opposite! I love you so much, it'd hurt me to see you upset by my inability to do things most Mommies normally do; like walk."

"Walking is important to do things." Phil agreed softly.

"Megan, I would give you the moon, earth and stars if I could. Never forget that I love you and I'd do anything to be with you as you grow up, fall in love, lose your innocence, have your first boyfriend, get a fiancee, dance at your wedding with you, help you with your first child and watch you fall in love with your own baby. I wish all that and a thousand other memories I won't have with you. But knowing that Dan and Phil will take care of you while I'm gone," She held a hand to her chest. "Makes me feel so relived and grateful." Jennifer sighed and wiped her tears away. "Please don't ever forget how much I lose you and miss you." Megan sighed just like her mother had.

"I won't, ever." Megan promised.

"Good." Jennifer bent and hugged her daughter tightly then glanced at the still teary-eyed Dan and Phil. "You better take care of her." She growled and pointed with a hospital instrument clad index finger. They nodded and she relaxed.

Megan didn't understand what was going on, not entirely. But she knew she was surrounded by people who loved her as well as each other. Her mother and her father, even his boyfriend loved her. And that's all that matters in the end, isn't it? It doesn't matter why, whom or for whatever reason; family and love is above all else. No questions asked.


	19. Chapter 19

As the birthdays, holidays and special occasions came and went, Jennifer's condition worsened and even got to the point where she needed a nurse at home to take care of her needs.

His name was Lugiori and it was obvious that he loved his job. He took care of Jennifer's needs better than she did. He was respectful and when the disease spread to Jennifer's mind, patient with her as she tired to remember to form sentences to talk with him.

"PJ?" Jennifer asked one day as she sat at her desk they had made in the living room.

"Yes, Jennifer?" He replied and was quickly by her side.

"Can... You... Write on here?" She requested pointing to a dotted line.

"Am I signing my soul away to you?" He joked as he scrawled his name fluently.

"Hardly." She laughed which caused her to cough and hack. "It's a... Edited copy of.. My last will."

"Oh, what changes did you make?" PJ asked, slightly curious but mostly just wanted to keep her alert and talking.

"That's for me to know... And for you to find out." She winked and tapped her nose twice.

"Okay, fine. Are you excited for tomorrow?" PJ asked, conversationally as he rolled her back to the bed they had set up in the laundry room so she didn't have to go upstairs anymore.

"My birthday? No... I hate parties." She growled.

"I know what you mean." He nodded with a smile as he helped her into the bed.

"I don't want to see my little girl... See me this way..." Jennifer wheezed and curled herself into a ball.

"I know, but she wants to see you, ya know?" PJ reminded Jennifer as he rubbed her back in small circular motions.

"Yes, I know. Thank you PJ, that will be all for tonight." Jennifer motioned for him to leave, which he did.

Very late in the night, Jennifer's heart seized and she knew she would not see her birthday in the morning. But she was not about to die in her laundry room! She got into her wheelchair and wheeled out to the back door. She was surprised she could even open the door but she managed. She noticed the stairs leading down into the back yard and knew she'd have to crawl. She threw herself out of the wheelchair, miscalculated the distances and ended up rolling down the stairs as well. Her body screamed the pain and begged her to stop with soreness, but she kept going. She pulled her battered and broken self to the middle of the backyard then she rolled on her back and looked up.

The first thing she noticed the moon was out, bright as ever. It was always a comfort to her, the moon. Knowing it was there and never changing was a pleasant thought to have when you're about to die. The stars were up there somewhere, but the moon's brightness out shined them all. She thought about her life and everything she did, and ignored what she didn't. Her proudest achievement by far was Megan. She envied Dan and Phil, knowing they would see her grow and she, Jennifer, would not. She let the feeling pass and felt her heart seize again, much more aggressively this time.

Megan's first word had been moon, Jennifer remembered just then. How Megan had laughed when Jennifer tickled her! Megan was never bitter about how she didn't have any parents on parent days and Jennifer usually kept Megan home to spend the day with her. Megan, Jennifer's daughter, would live, just like the moon. Jennifer's heart finally released and let her go. Megan was the last thing Jennifer thought as her eyelids got heavy and she exhaled for the last time.

By the time PJ found her, which wasn't two minutes after she had got outside, it was too late. Jennifer was gone at the ripe, old age of 29.


	20. Chapter 20

Dan, Phil and Megan found out in the wee hours of the morning. PJ called to let them know before the ambulance arrived; it had it's lights out.

Megan howled as Dan hugged her, feeling numb all over while Phil rubbed Dan's shoulder, slumped and crying himself. Everyone knew this day was coming, but no one could believe it. Nor did anyone want to.

Megan took the week off from school to get the rest of her things from Jennifer's flat to properly move in with Dan and Phil. She glanced around at her room one last time before leaving it. But then, she saw Jennifer's bedroom door open and rushed in with no warning. A flood of memories came rushing back to Megan.

When Jennifer had been well enough to come into her room, Megan would spend hours playing with her toys in the floor or in Jennifer's bed. Ending the day by curling up on the floor and falling asleep. If Jennifer was well enough, Megan would find herself in her own bed the next day. Or Jennifer would carry Megan into Jennifer's own bed and sleep next to her, despite Megan's turning throughout the night. But if Jennifer wasn't strong enough to carry Megan, she would bring pillows and blankets then curl up next to Megan before sleeping next to her.

The room had once brought only comfort and security to Megan. Megan froze in her dash and glanced around the room. Dust covered every surface, the bed was as welcoming as a coffin, and a bulb had gone out in the ceiling fixture. The room had not been in use for months, Megan remembered; now, it was cold, forgotten and lonely. Megan sank to the floor and curled in on herself. Her wails called Dan and Phil to comfort her.

Another task, besides getting Jennifer's house ready to be sold, was that they were left to plan the funeral and invite guests. Which left them the problem of calling across the sea to tell Jennifer's American family about her passing.

Dan didn't remember anyone that Jennifer had mentioned from their previous relationship; so they hijacked her Facebook account. They posted on her wall and messaged everyone marked her family. They invited every 'friend' to the funeral, which was to be held in London in three days. Jennifer's parents were the most alarmed by the news and quickly messaged Dan and Phil back, saying that they would come.

The day of the funeral arrived and around a hundred people showed up. Most of them were related to Dan and Phil, few were related to Jennifer or Megan, while the rest were fans; trying to get a good shot of the two, tall, Youtube stars. Dan glanced hopelessly from the mob to Megan and back again. Phil saw Dan do this. Tears were welling up in Dan's eyes as he began to come to terms with the fact Megan would have to deal with these fans at her mother's funeral. Phil sighed and placed a hand on Dan's shoulder.

"I've got this." Phil nodded, before going out to confront the excited fans. Some saw Phil coming before others and pointed him out to their fellows. They began to scream but instead of smiling, which was what he usually did for the crowds, Phil continued with his anger glare. He stopped in font of them. Some were still taking pictures and squealing while wiser others shushed them and hid their phones. Soon, an eerie silence fell over the Phans.

"What are you doing?" Phil asked, he didn't want to come off anger, instead he came off hurt. No one answered. "Please, just give me and Dan some space right now. We are going through a lot." He voice cracked and some gasped while others clutched at their own throats in shock. Some bold fans who were still recording the scene, quickly put their hidden phones completely away. Phil never showed hurt or sadness and to see it, live and unedited was nearly too much for them to bare.

A young man came forward. He had obviously dyed gray hair tucked under a beanie, with rings in his nose and in his lips, and army green eyes that were as wet as Phil's. He had on big, black, army-style boots that made him nearly tall as Phil. He stopped arm's length of Phil, with his arms out-stretched and waited. Phil paused then hugged the stranger.

"I get it." The young man choked out as other fans surrounded the two in a massive group hug. "My dad died three years ago while serving in the military. I... I don't know why I came anymore. I thought maybe I could met and talk with you but... This is all wrong. Phil," He pulled away to look into Phil's blue eyes. "From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry."

"We all are." Another fan chimed in.

"Please forgive us." One whimpered.

"We didn't know what we were thinking!" Someone else wailed. Soon, the mob was crying and apologizing profusely. Phil wiped his eyes on his suit's sleeves and held up his hands, quiet fell again.

"If you all leave now, I forgive you all, and so does Dan. I promise, there will be a video explaining everything once this is all over." Phil announced. When he was finished, everyone left, even the Army Guy.

Phil came back into the church just as it began to rain. Right then, a new hash tag was starting to trend, globally: #PrayersForDanAndPhil.

The funeral was short, sweet and too the point. At last, Megan was asked to come up and say a few words. Dan was hesitant, but Phil nodded as Megan glanced at them. She looked out to the crowd, then at the coffin, then at the piece of paper in front of her.

"Hello, my name is Megan Louise Calhoun-Howell and I'm Jennifer's daughter." There was a woman's small gasp and a man's low muttering before silence was restored. "Jennifer was my mother for all my life and there will never be another. She was everything a mother should be: kind, thoughtful, loving, and caring. The only flaw my mother had wasn't even her fault: she was sick." The painful truth stuck in the air as the rain battered the shingled roof.

"Mommy was sick for six years before I only found out about her i-illness myself a few months ago, when she lost her ability to walk." Another whimper from the same women as before with the same man comforting her. "I knew she had been sick, I just didn't know how badly." Now Megan, who had pushed through these tough words and thoughts, was now finally starting to break; tears eking out of the corners of her brown eyes.

"She was also something most Mommies aren't knew for: she was strong. My Mommy couldn't lift buildings or break high speed records; but she did fight. She fought her own war, which was inside herself, alone and silently for ages before anyone close to her found out. She didn't need help, she could take care of herself; thank you very much!" There were a few watery chuckles from the audience at remembering Jennifer's spirit. "She was also very funny." Megan added remembering her favorite memories of her mother. Megan then put the paper aside and told them about these fond memories.

The time when Jennifer told Megan about squirrels and how they were plotting to take over the world and all their plans, written with tiny quills and ink made from grapes; were up in their tree nests. The first time Megan and Jennifer tried to go ice skating but neither of them knew how, so they ended up with cold, hurt bums and two large hot chocolates as rewards. But Megan's favorite memories were when it was summer and they'd take a blanket, lay it out and look at the moon and stars. Jennifer would then come up with stories on the spot telling them until the characters lives were woven together and the plot made sense, sometimes comforting, others scary but all made Megan wonder even after she fell asleep.

By the end of Megan's planned and unplanned ramblings, there was not a dry eye within hearing distance. "I'd like to end this ceremony with this thought..." Megan watched herself as she walk down the stairs and stood in front of the coffin. She rubbed the smooth, wooden surface of the coffin. She opened her mouth to say something but instead, threw herself on the carpeted floor, began sobbing angrily, and started flinging her arms about; always making sure she didn't hit the coffin and disturb her mother.

Dan hurried to Megan's side and tried to lift her but Megan shook him free and yowled even louder. Dan whispered to her but she refused to stop and listen. No one in the congregation knew what to do and began looking around for help. Phil finally came to Megan's side and commenced rubbing her back the same way he did with Dan, when Dan wouldn't listen to reason.

He whispered low, soothing sounds into her ear. At last, Megan relaxed, stood up and walked back to her seat; her countenance was scarlet and her hair sticking to the sides of her moistened face.

"How did you do that?" Dan asked as they took their place on either side of the coffin.

"She is part you, isn't she?" Phil responded, before lifting Jennifer up and out of the church.

Jennifer was laid to rest in the nearby cemetery.

"March 25, 1996 – March 24, 2019

Here lies Jennifer Marie Calhoun.

Loving daughter, caring friend, devoted mother.

She fought like no other, and loved no one more deeply than her daughter."

Megan had many people come up to her at the funeral's luncheon to tell her what a good job she had done; always excluding the part about her melt down. A very sad couple came up and told her that they were her grandparents and that she was welcome anytime she visited America. Megan thanked them and went through the motions, as Dan and Phil did, until they, at last, reached the car.

"That was my first public tantrum." Megan stated, disgusted with herself, as the car pulled away from the curb.

"Ever?" Phil asked, amazed. Megan nodded numbly.

"That was an experience for us all." Dan sighed and pulled Megan close.

"How are you?" Phil asked. That was something he picked up somewhere: 'while grieving, emotions are high and need to be acknowledged constantly'.

"I'll be alright." Dan muttered as Megan mumbled "I'll be okay." They both looked at each other and smiled.

"Some might say we're related." Dan pulled Megan in close.

"And some might disagree." Megan pushed him away, playful but then moved in closer. "Mommy's really gone, isn't she?" She asked finally. "It's not just a nightmare."

"No, it's really real." Dan agreed. "Even though it feels like everything is crashing in on you and you can't breathe; it is a living nightmare. But we'll all get through it." He pulled her closer, even though there was no closer to be pulled.

"I want the crashing to stop, Dad. It's suffocating me." Megan whimpered.

"Me too, Baby, me too." He hugged her and shook as she fell apart. Phil glanced in the rear view mirror. Breaking and mending, was what he saw.

It took PJ a month for Jennifer's face to stop appearing in his dreams.

It took Phil four months to get back into the swing of routine.

It took Megan an entire year before she stopped wondering, in that split second when she woke up, why she was in a different room before it all came crashing in on her again, harder than before.

It took Dan three years for the scar Jennifer left behind to start healing. Only then did he finally accept the fact he would never talk to his first best friend, ex-fiancee, and child's mother again.


End file.
